I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
