i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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