i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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