Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize