I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
