Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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