my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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