What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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