Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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