in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
