i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
