I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
