yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
