you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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