don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
