Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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