I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize