we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
