If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
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