i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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