this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
