tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
