OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Randomize
