remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
