I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
