I must be too annoying 4 u.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
