no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
