Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
