I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
