I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize