we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
