I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
