I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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