I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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