Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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