Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
