You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
