Apparently you make a good broom.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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