have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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