do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
