My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
