is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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