I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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