cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
