I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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