THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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