he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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