I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
