Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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