Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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