the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
