3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
