obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
