worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
it's great music for shaving your balls
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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