I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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