For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
