it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
