Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
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