Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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