Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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