She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
