I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
