he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Who died my cat blue again?
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