Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
