Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
