I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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