He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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