My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The adults are the big ones right?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
