I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
