I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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