he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
