New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
