I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
