The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
