meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
