I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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